Yes, and....

Yes, and … is a primary principle used in improvisation training for actors. It’s also useful in everyday life. The idea is to accept what the other person says in the moment and expand on it. This keeps the connection going, rather than shutting it down and blocking communication with a Yes, but …. phrase or attitude.

There’s a very old story about Joan Rivers, an acerbic comedian, performing an improv exercise with a fellow actor. In the scenario, they are a married couple preparing for their divorce. The guy asks, “What are we going to do about the kids?” Joan says, “What kids? We don’t have any kids.” It’s a great example of blocking, stopping the flow. She broke the connection by trying to be funny.

Basic improvisation rules say to accept and build on what’s presented, supporting the other person in the flow of conversation. In which case, Joan would have accepted the kids that the other improvisor had introduced to the narrative and proceeded to collaborate about dealing with them. She could have said something like, “They’re not MY kids.” Or “I don’t want to deal with them.” But to reject the basic premise, to deny their existence, essentially shut things down. Where do you go from there?

You don’t have to explicitly say, “Yes, and …” It’s the attitude – the acceptance of what’s offered by the other person, even if you don’t like it or understand it. Which is the connection to its use in everyday life.

Say your group has a problem and is brainstorming possible solutions. You might not care for some of the suggestions, but the intent is to encourage a free flow of ideas. That can produce a lot of crazy ideas at first but also loosens up subconscious connections and creativity which can eventually result in some awesome ideas. It’s not that you must use any or all of the ideas presented, but you accept them as possibilities or as useful in the process of digging deeper.

Here's another example. You’re having a conversation with someone and you want to verbally reject something they’re saying. This can generate fear, anger, or a total shutdown in the other person. If you value pursuing a hopefully constructive conversation, accept that this is where the other person is coming from. Don’t judge. Be curious. It can be as simple as saying, “_____ seems to be very important to you,” or “You seem to have very strong feelings about this.” Simply accepting and allowing space to expand on what’s presented can lead to amazing discoveries, connections, and transformations in daily life.